Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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