i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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