We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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