I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize