No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
