But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
