I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
where does the pee come out of this thing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's the barista slut.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
