Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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