Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
