1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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