hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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