I heard we made out
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
