omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Randomize
