dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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