That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
