Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize