so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
