Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
