um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i will never coherently bang her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
