Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
