wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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