Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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