I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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