Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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