i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
