Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize