I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
