rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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