i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
