tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
