The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
