so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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