new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
