at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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