god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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