i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
