we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
