Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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