I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
