Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
