ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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