My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
