My nipple is on Facebook.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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