What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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