Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
