you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
