i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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