tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
