I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
