Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
