We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
