I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
