why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
