A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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