people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
