I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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