I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize