i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
COCAINE IS GR8
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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