I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
