even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize