I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
