Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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