Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
