did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
