It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
