google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
