it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
