I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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