I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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