Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
