Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
