Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
