well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
