When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
