so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
