You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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