He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
