hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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