I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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