Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
