and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
