I faked an abortion last night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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