my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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