You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
