Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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