I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
