True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
