I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
