there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize