I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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