so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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