FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
